Homeschool or Public School for Kids with ADHD? An Honest Story from a Mom with ADHD

If you're reading this late at night with seventeen tabs open, I see you.

Maybe you've been in the homeschool Facebook groups and walked away feeling like a bad mom for even considering school. Maybe your child's teacher keeps calling and your stomach drops every time the phone rings. Maybe you're the mom who already homeschools and you're quietly wondering if you can keep doing this.

A few years ago, that was me. My stomach and my brain were in knots for months trying to decide whether to homeschool my kids.

I'm a mom with ADHD raising three kids with ADHD, and I want to tell you the honest version of how we made this decision, what I got wrong, and what I wish someone had told me sooner. Not so you'll make the same choice I did. So you can make the right one for your family.

How we ended up homeschooling

When my oldest was in kindergarten, we had him enrolled in a small Christian school we loved. But there was only one kindergarten teacher, and we kept hearing she didn't do well with busy, active boys. And busy and active was our whole personality. So I homeschooled him for kindergarten to give us time to understand how his brain worked and get him the support he needed. By first grade, he went back to school.

Over the next few years, our family grew through foster care, adoption, and then our surprise miracle baby, Libby.

Then 2020 happened.

When COVID sent everyone home, I had a third grader, a pre-K kid, a two-year-old, and a kindergartner in our home through foster care. We did virtual school from March to May like everyone else, and it was a complete mess. (If you remember trying to get a five-year-old to sit in front of a Zoom call, you know.)

That August, I pulled my boys out of private school. I didn't want to pay tuition and then end up doing virtual school at my kitchen table anyway. Our zoned public school was huge and didn't feel like a fit, and the local classical charter schools were great for a lot of families but not for my very wiggly boys.

So we homeschooled.

What I loved, and what was quietly breaking me

I want to be really clear: there was so much I loved about homeschooling.

It took us a few months to find our footing, but I found a curriculum I liked and a rhythm that worked. I even started a homeschool community in our area. In theory, it was everything I wanted.

In practice, I was drowning.

I have ADHD and I'm autistic, and I need a lot of alone time to recharge. Having my kids with me 24/7, with no break and no quiet, was brutal on my nervous system. My boys are homebodies, so even getting everyone out the door for a co-op or a park day felt like a daily negotiation. It was exhausting.

By the start of our second year, I was tweaking everything. New schedules, new curriculum, new systems. I kept thinking the problem was that I hadn't found the right setup yet. Or that I just needed to try harder.

The problem wasn't the setup. I was living way over my capacity, and no curriculum can fix that.

I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and completely burned out. And when I'm burned out, I'm not the mom I want to be. I'm cranky, short-fused, and counting down the minutes to bedtime.

The decision that changed everything

In December 2021, my husband got a new job and we moved from Melbourne to Orlando, which opened up a lot more school options. At first, we planned on a university model school, where kids attend part of the week and homeschool the rest, so I could still homeschool but get some kind of break.

But I had to be honest with myself. To be a good night and weekend mom, I needed a real break during the day. I needed time to recover and time to work on my own big ideas.

Since it was the middle of the school year, public school was our only real option. So we enrolled the boys in 5th and 1st grade.

And it was the best thing we could have done for them.

I can't speak for every school or every teacher. But we've been delighted by how accommodating and supportive our teachers and administrators have been for neurodivergent kids. Far more than I expected.

In a bigger school, my kids had more options. More friends who were wired like them. More teachers, which kept their brains engaged. Advanced classes that actually challenged them. The structure and positive peer pressure of school did things for them that I couldn't do from my kitchen table, especially when I was running on empty.

And me? I got my capacity back. Which meant when they came home, I actually had something left to give them.

Where we are now

Bowman is now in high school, Frank is in middle school, and Libby, who started kindergarten in public school, is now in 2nd grade. I was nervous sending my youngest to public school from day one, and she's done so well there. Bowman loves high school band and Frank is now at a performing arts middle school that has been a wonderful fit for him.

I've unlocked my personal gifts and potential in a way that I never expected. I'm such a better version of me when I have time in the house by myself to focus on my big ideas and bring them to fruition. I'm able to get my work done while they are in school, and can then give them my full attention when they get home.

We still get lots of time together as a family. I keep our schedule light and the demands low, because school takes a lot out of my kids. They need time at home to recover, rebound, and play. Our afternoons look like one kid on the trampoline, one on the swing, and a movie on in the background. Loud, but calm.

No school situation is perfect, and ours isn't either. But I'm confident my kids are where they're supposed to be. And I'm a much better mom when I'm not running on fumes.

What I wish I'd known: the real question isn't "which school is best"

Here's what I got wrong for a long time. I thought the question was "what's the best education for my kids?"

The better question was "what can our whole family actually sustain?"

Because the best thing I can do for my kids with ADHD is learn to manage my own ADHD. When I'm regulated, they have a better shot at being regulated too. A schooling choice that slowly burns you out isn't a good choice for your kids either, even if it looks perfect on paper.

Though I love picking our curriculum and planning our school year, the actual work of educating my children is not my area of giftedness. It took so much effort for me to make myself do it, that I then had no energy left for everything else.

That's not selfish. That's just how my neurodivergent brain is wired.

I can make myself do some hard and boring things but there is a cap.

I didn't have the capacity to homeschool on top of managing my home and all of the normal mom stuff.

I needed a break and an outlet and to invest time and energy in the areas where I naturally shine.

6 things to remember as you decide

1. Trust your gut. If a certain school or situation doesn't feel like a fit for your kid, listen to that. A school can be wonderful for other families and still not be right for yours.

2. Take it one year at a time. Homeschooling for kindergarten isn't a commitment to homeschool forever. Enrolling in a school isn't a lifelong contract. Choose what feels right for this year with the information you have right now. Next year you might have different information, different resources, and a different kid.

3. Be honest about how it actually feels. Some things sound amazing in theory. Pay attention to how they feel to do, day after day. When you have ADHD, the things you dread don't get easier with more willpower. If homeschooling is a daily battle of wills and you're forcing yourself through it every morning, that resistance is information. It's not a character flaw.

4. Let yourself be different. Your choice might look different from your friends' choices, and that's okay. Most of my friends homeschool or send their kids to private school. That was hard for me at first. Now I'm at peace with it. Stop comparing yourself to neurotypical moms raising neurotypical kids. The comparison was never fair.

5. Research and advocate. Every state is different, but there are often scholarships, accommodations, and support for both school and homeschool. If your child has a diagnosis, you can request accommodations right away. In our experience, many elementary teachers were accommodating even before we had anything in writing.

6. Let go of the fear and shame. Some homeschool spaces made me feel like homeschooling was the only good option for kids with ADHD. Homeschooling is a wonderful option, and for many kids it might be the best one. But it isn't universally best for every child or every mom. You get to decide what's best for yours.

A few honest questions to ask yourself

If you're still stuck, grab a notebook (or your Notes app at 11pm, no judgment) and answer these:

• On a normal Tuesday, not my best day, could I sustain this?
• When do I recharge in this plan? Where's my alone time?
• What does my child need that I can't easily give them at home? (Peers, structure, challenge, a break from me?)
• What could I give them at home that school can't?
• If I picture this plan six months from now, do I feel relief or dread?
• Am I choosing this because it's right for us, or because I'm afraid of what other people will think?

There's no wrong answer. There's just your answer, for this season.

If you choose to homeschool

I'm cheering you on. Please find a local community you can meet with regularly, and build real breaks into your week, not just for your kids, for you. Homeschooling with ADHD is so much more doable when you're not doing it alone and you're not running on empty.

If you choose school

You're not giving up and you're not taking the easy way out. You're making a choice that fits your family's capacity, and that's a really good reason. You can still be a deeply involved, connected mom. Mine just happens to show up at 3pm with snacks.

You're not a bad mom for needing a break

If any part of this story felt familiar (the exhaustion, the constant tweaking, the feeling that you should be able to handle this), I want you to hear this: you're not failing. You might just be living over your capacity.

That's exactly why I created the free Thriving in Motherhood Guide for moms with ADHD. It walks you through how to stop running on empty and build a home life that actually works with your ADHD brain, whatever schooling choice you make.

[Download the free Thriving in Motherhood Guide here →]

And I'd love to hear from you. Are you deciding right now, or did you already make the leap? Tell me in the comments. I read every one.

Whatever you decide, I'm cheering you on.

Xo, Amy Marie