Public School vs. Homeschool for ADHD Kids: Our Family's Choice

This time three years ago, my stomach and brain were constantly in knots trying to determine whether or not I should homeschool my kids.

If you are in the throes of that decision, I hope this blog post encourages and empowers you to make the best choice for your family.

First, a little background on our schooling decisions over the years.

When my oldest was in kindergarten, he attended a small Christian school that we really liked. However, there was only one kindergarten teacher, and we’d heard from multiple people that she didn’t do well with busy, active boys. At the time, our son was not yet diagnosed with ADHD, and we didn’t want to rush to get him evaluated or medicated. I chose to homeschool him for kindergarten so we could take our time and get him evaluated that year. By first grade, he was on the right meds for him, and we chose to send him to school.

In the following years, our family grew through foster care, adoption, and then a surprise miracle pregnancy.

When COVID hit in 2020 and the kids were sent home, Bowman (my oldest) was in third grade in a private Christian school, Frank was in Pre-K, Libby was 2, and at the time, we had a foster daughter who was in kindergarten. From March to May 2020, like so many other families, we did virtual school through our current schools, and it was a complete mess.

When school resumed in August 2020, I pulled my two boys out of the small Christian school because I didn’t want to pay for private school and then have to do virtual school from home if they were exposed to COVID.

During this time, I was also learning so much about ADHD and seeking out all the support and information I could on how to support myself and my kids. I was also learning how to better support my oldest son, who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in addition to his ADHD diagnosis.

At the time, the public school we were zoned for was incredibly large, and it didn’t feel like a good fit. There were also several charter schools with a classical education bent that were great for many families but didn’t feel like the right fit for my very busy, active boys.

I will say, there are many things about homeschooling that I really loved and enjoyed. It took us several months to get the hang of it, but mostly, I was struggling with the lack of alone time.

I made so many tweaks and found a curriculum I liked and a structure that worked for us. I even started my own homeschool community in my area. When we launched our year again in August 2021, I tried to change and adapt as much as I could to make it work, but I was struggling.

In December 2021, my husband got a new job, and we moved from Melbourne, Florida, to Orlando, Florida, which opened up many more schooling options. Initially, we thought we’d opt for a university model school where we could homeschool, but I could have some sort of a break.

As much as I loved homeschool in theory, in practice, it was just not a good fit for me, and my mental health was suffering. To be a good night and weekend mom, I needed a break during the day and time to work on my big ideas.

But at the time, I was completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out. Since it was mid-year, public school was our only option, and we enrolled the boys, who were then in 5th and 1st grade.

Enrolling them in public school was the best thing we could have done for them. I can’t speak for every school or every teacher, but we have been delighted by our experience with public school and have found the teachers and administrators far more accommodating and supportive of differently wired kids than we ever expected.

My oldest, especially, had never made great friends in the smaller Christian school, but being in a larger school meant more options and more kids wired like him. It was like a night and day difference.

Also, my oldest is twice exceptional, which means he’s diagnosed with both ADHD and giftedness. He’s incredibly bright but also has some deficits for which he needs support. Public school is better able to support him, and the academic challenge of being in advanced classes has been a great fit for him.

Both of my boys are homebodies and are content spending all of their time outside of school at home with our family. This was part of why homeschooling was so challenging for me because it felt like a constant negotiation to get them out of the door to do anything. It was an exhausting daily battle.

Now, we still get LOTS of time together as a family, and I’ve learned to keep our schedule light and the demands low. They love school and are doing well, but they definitely need time to recover, rebound, and play.

This August, our youngest will start kindergarten in the public school, and it will be my first child starting school in a public school setting. I would be lying if I said that I have zero fears or apprehensions, but I’ve also learned that no school situation is perfect.

If you are considering what schooling option to choose for your children, here’s my advice:

1. Trust your gut. If you feel like a certain school or situation isn’t a good fit for you or your kids, listen to that. Some schools might be great for other kids but not for yours.
2. Take it one year at a time. Committing to homeschool for kindergarten isn’t a commitment to homeschool forever. Committing to a school for a year isn’t a lifelong commitment. You can change your mind later, so just go with what feels right for this year with the information you have. You may have different information and different resources in the future.
3. Be honest with yourself. If you have ADHD, you will struggle doing things that you don’t enjoy. There are many things in life we have to push through to force ourselves to do, but we have to limit how many of these things we pile on our plate. If you hate homeschooling your kids and it is a daily battle of wills and motivation, that resistance won’t get easier. Be honest about your struggles and find what is easier for you to maintain. Some things may sound great in theory, but pay attention to how it actually feels to do those things. Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to know is through trial and error. But if you are struggling and fighting that resistance battle, be honest with yourself!
4. Be different. Your school choices may look different from your neurotypical mom friends raising neurotypical kids, and that is okay. Most of my real-life friends have their kids in private school or are homeschooling. Being different can be hard sometimes, but I am confident that my kids are where they are supposed to be, and that difference has gotten easier over time.
5. Research and advocate. Each state is different, but there are many scholarships and accommodations you can pursue to make the transition to school or to homeschool easier. If your child has a diagnosis, you can request accommodations right away. I’ve found our teachers (especially in elementary school) particularly accommodating, even without a written plan.
6. Let go of fear or shame. I was in many homeschooling Facebook groups that left me feeling like homeschooling was the best and only good option for kids with ADHD. I believe that homeschooling is a good option, and for many kids and families, it might be the best option, but it is not universally the best option for every child. I believe my kids do better when they have lots of teachers because it is more mentally challenging. They also benefit from the structure and positive peer pressure of school.

For my kids with ADHD, public school is the best school option for them given our current options and resources.

If you choose to homeschool, I encourage you to find a local community that you can meet with regularly. Having some kind of connection is hugely helpful.

Whatever you decide, I’m cheering you on as you find what works best for you and your family!

Best,
Amy