How to Pray When You Have ADHD...

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Learning how to grow in my faith as a woman with ADHD has been both complicated and beautiful.

I grew up very involved in youth group and church and spent many years trying to do things the way others around me have done them.

As I've grown more authentic and learned to embrace my ADHD quirks, it's probably shown up more in my church life than anywhere.

I understand that many neurodivergent people have had very negative experiences in churches and for that I lightly tread out of the those utmost love and concern for those who had been harmed in some way.

The reality is that many church environments expect people to be neurotypical.

Over the years, I've come to identify things that can be normal in many church cultures can be very challenging for my ADHD brain.

For many years, I made these things major things and felt like it was my job to conform.

But with maturity and age, I've gained a freedom in how my faith is expressed and how I choose to worship and grow in my relationship with Jesus.

Christian cultural expectations that can be very hard for my ADHD brain or for my neurodivergent kids:

Required weekly scripture memorization.
Sitting still for long periods of time without being able to fidget or doodle.
Bible reading plans that are rigid and require reading long passages every day.
Long ramble sermons without clear points, visual aids, or summaries.
Environments where kids get the side eye for needing to keep their hands busy.
Environments where I feel a lot of pressure to have my kids in fancy clothes and closed toe shoes.
Large impersonal youth groups

To be clear, there is no such thing as a perfect church but when we moved to a new city two years ago and were looking at churches, these are the cultural things that we were looking for in a church community.

Some of these things might seem weird and out of the box but I've realized that for many years feeling like these were necessary things was actually really getting in the way of me authentically connecting with a God that knows how I'm wired and purposefully designed me differently.

I really learned to listen to my intuition because not only do I want a safe space for me and my husband but also for my kids to feel like they can be themselves at church.

Masking and pretending is not how we want to do life ESPECIALLY at church.

We're so thankful to have found a church community that has created room and grace in a way that feels safe for us.

Our church community does actually participate in a pretty rigorous bible reading plan but there is a lot of flexibility in how you participate and a lot of freedom to adapt.

I appreciate the intentionality around this plan and love so much about the leadership of our church community. Daily bible reading is in fact an essential part of my life but for me, I need to go at a slower pace.

I also do best when I'm moving and have learned to really love listen to an audio bible app that reads me the passages so that I can walk and move around.

I don't listen to everyday and have let go of that as a requirement. The less pressure I put on myself and the more I focus on connecting with God, the more I actually do it. I'm not worried about keeping up with the pace of everyone else which is so refreshing.

I've learned to pay attention to how God has wired me and to not feel shame or embarrassment in saying "that is good, but not right for me" in my faith journey and in every aspect of my life as an adult with ADHD.

Here's what I've found to be really helpful along the way.

I love the Dwell app. It's an audio app with saved reading plans. For some reason, my brain just loves the narrator Russell. It's an older british gentleman and he's easier for me to listen to go figure. I like that I can pick up on the plan at anytime.
I also listen to the Lectio 365 devotionals most days. I listen while I'm making my tea and letting the dogs out and I love the rhythm of it. They are short but so rich. I really like the evening prayers as well though often forget to listen to those.
I've been buying the Illuminated Scripture Bible Journals that correspond with whatever book of the bible we are studying at church. I like that there is lots of room to write and I have to take notes during sermons or I start daydreaming.
I use visual prayer cards which help me stay focused during prayer. I usually pray at the gym on the elliptical or in the sauna. I've created so many different versions of these cards over the years. In my 20s I had cards that were little collages that I laminated and I'd take them on walks. Seeing photos of my favorite people really help my brain. I also usually listen to focus music while I pray.Get My Prayer Card Templates
I share my differences with others and know that I'm not the only one like me. The more I share the more that I hear "me too!" and even if people don't understand my quirks, they know me better and I'm not wasting energy pretending.
I've stopped trying to fit myself in spaces that just aren't for me. For example, I have several friends that LOVE a program called Bible Study Fellowship. It's a wonderful program and the idea of it sounds amazing but every time I've signed up it feels so boring, suffocating and exhausting. In some weird way, I leave feeling more lonely than when I came. I prefer smaller accountability groups where we can go deeper in each others lives and have time for free flowing discussion. I really need the freedom to verbally process and BSF isn't created with that in mind.
I try and pay attention to how comfortable I feel in certain settings and whether I feel a strong temptation to mask. For example, if I'm feeling ancy would it be weird if I got on the floor and stretched or did a quick lap? Would the be frowned upon and activate the eye roll alarm? If so, it's probably not a place I want to be investing a lot of time and energy for me and my family.
I really try and just focus on being with Jesus. The more time I spend with Jesus, the more freedom I experience to be my authentic ADHD self.