ADHD Management Strategies for Moms: My Full Routine as a 40+ Mom of 3
The number one question I get asked is usually some version of "do you take medicine?" The number two question is "how can you manage ADHD naturally?" This post is my honest answer to both, because the truth sits in between: I do take medicine, and I also believe medicine is not a magic cure. It's one piece of a much bigger set of ADHD management strategies for moms that I've built over twenty years.
Quick note before we start: I'm not a doctor, and nothing below is medical advice. This is my personal experience as one mom with ADHD, and any decision about medication, supplements, or hormone therapy should be made with your own psychiatrist or physician.
A little background in case you're new here: I'm 44, and I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5. For most of my life, I thought ADHD was just about focus, attention, and getting good grades. I didn't understand the impact it would have on my relationships, my career, or motherhood, and honestly, not many people did back then. I count myself lucky to have been diagnosed at all, since most women my age were missed entirely.
I went through a season in my 20s of resenting my parents for medicating me. With age and perspective, I've come to appreciate that they made the right call. I've since tried more medications and supplements than I can count, worked with countless psychiatrists and counselors, and read nearly every ADHD book I can get my hands on. I'm now raising three kids who are all diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm married to a man who was diagnosed at almost 50.
Here's how I currently manage my ADHD.
Medication: My Honest Answer
I take a stimulant medication and an antidepressant. Specifically, I take an extended-release form of methylphenidate along with an antidepressant. I tried several different combinations before landing on this one in my late 20s, and I've stuck with it since.
I went off medication during both of my pregnancies and restarted around three or four months postpartum. Whether to medicate is a decision I believe should be made with a psychiatrist, not made alone. Medication can be life-changing, but it doesn't work the same way for everyone. For me, it's the difference between night and day.
If you're deciding whether to try medication, for yourself or for your child, my honest advice is that the potential benefits are worth at least a conversation with a physician. We tend to make the decision much bigger than it needs to be. A consultation doesn't obligate you to try medication, and trying it doesn't mean staying on it forever. There are even genetic tests available now that can help predict which medications might work best for you.
This past summer, I went off my antidepressant (Cymbalta), hoping it might help with some inflammation issues. It didn't. I gained fifteen pounds in two months and felt awful, so I've since gone back on it. Medication isn't a cure-all for me, but it's been a necessary foundation. Without it, I don't think I could do the rest of what's on this list, or have the clarity to understand how my own brain works.
Supplements: An Addition, Not a Replacement
I'm always a little hesitant to talk about my supplement routine, because supplements are an addition to my medication, not a replacement for it. There are a lot of people online claiming you can supplement your way off medication entirely. I tried adjusting my own medication without consulting a doctor earlier in my life, and I don't recommend that approach. Instead, I talk with my psychiatrist about anything I'm adding.
In the morning, alongside my medication, I take B-vitamins, zinc, fish oil, and vitamin D. Some products combine all of these, but they upset my stomach, so I take them individually. In the evening, I take iron with vitamin C, magnesium, a sleep blend with GABA, L-theanine, and melatonin, and a probiotic.
I didn't pull this list out of nowhere. It's a compilation of recommendations gathered over years of reading books, listening to podcasts, and reading studies. Dr. Ned Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey, in their book ADHD 2.0, write that "there are some supplements everyone can agree to recommend: a multi-vitamin, Vitamin D, magnesium, B complex, Vitamin C, Calcium, and Zinc."
One caution worth knowing: vitamin C can interfere with the absorption of stimulant medication, which is why I take mine in the evening instead of the morning.
I'm picky about which brands I buy from. Thorne, Integrative Therapeutics, and Pure are three of my favorites, since they test extensively and skip the fillers. These days, the more a single product promises to fix, the more skeptical I get. I have no supplement sponsorships. This list came from years of trial and error, aiming to keep things simple and reasonably priced. For my kids, I give fish oil in the morning with their medication, and a multivitamin, magnesium, and L-theanine in the evening.
The Supplements I Take | The Supplements I Give My Kids
Exercise and Sensory Input
I've always genuinely enjoyed the gym, but understanding how necessary exercise is for my mental health is what made it a consistent, non-negotiable part of my life. I especially love weightlifting. I've tried a lot of things over the years, and my routine will probably keep evolving, but exercising four to six days a week is a requirement for my brain to function at its best.
My current routine: I aim for 10,000 steps a day and lift weights five days a week. Most mornings, I take a 20 to 30 minute walk wearing a weighted vest, which combined with normal daily movement usually gets me over that step goal. I also have a small trampoline and jump on it for 10 to 15 minutes after my walk when time allows. In the late afternoon, I usually head to the gym to lift.
I have combined-type ADHD and am physically hyperactive, with a high need for sensory input. Heavy work, meaning activities that put deep pressure or resistance on my body, helps me feel regulated. For years that looked like using the elliptical at high resistance, and I never fully understood why my body responded so well to it until I learned more about my own sensory needs.
Walking with a weighted vest has become my favorite replacement for that. I actually enjoy walking more now that it's part of the routine, and I'm noticeably calmer with it built into my day. On weekends, I'll wear the vest while doing chores or projects around the house, which keeps me a lot more regulated.
Go to this post for more on my exercise routine.
Sleep: Non-Negotiable for My Brain
If I don't get seven hours of sleep, my brain turns to mush. It really wants eight to nine. As a mom of young kids, I still get woken up and climbed on plenty of nights, but I control what I can around getting good rest.
I don't do a lot of evening activities, and I've [INTERNAL LINK: created a lifestyle where I'm regularly getting good sleep]. Consistent exercise helps enormously with this. I also skip TV at night in favor of reading, and I'm usually asleep by 9 p.m.
A sleep study a few years back diagnosed me with sleep apnea. I use a CPAP machine, an eye mask, and a nightly stretching routine. There's a lot more to say about sleep, but that's a topic for its own post.
Diet and What I Drink
There's compelling, though not fully conclusive, research that a gluten- and dairy-free diet can ease some ADHD symptoms. Making that kind of change also takes a lot of executive function, which is in short supply for most of us moms. I feel my best avoiding gluten, overly processed foods, and dairy, but I'm not dogmatic about it, and I don't put my kids on a gluten-free or dairy-free diet. That would eliminate most of their safe foods, and it's not a battle I'm willing to fight right now.
Alcohol has a noticeable impact on my executive functioning, partly because of how it disrupts my sleep, and poor sleep makes the next day much harder. The less I drink, the better I feel, sleep, and function.
Caffeine works the same way. One cup of green tea in the morning is my sweet spot. I can occasionally handle a second at lunch, though it usually leads to an afternoon crash. I did fine with a cup of coffee for years, but the acid started bothering my stomach recently. Green tea has the added benefit of L-theanine for the ADHD brain, though for me it's also just easier on my stomach.
Therapy and Learning to Unmask
I began counseling in my early 20s, and it changed my life. I'd always struggled to articulate my thoughts and feelings, and having a safe space to do that helped me understand my brain and see how ADHD and anxiety were shaping my thought patterns.
I currently work with a somatic therapist, and it's been one of the most valuable parts of my mental health strategy. I needed help accessing trapped emotions and long-held beliefs from my past, and this work has helped me move through that. You can visit the Somatic Experiencing website to find a somatic practitioner near you. I've never worked with an ADHD coach, but I've personally found therapy more helpful for my specific needs.
Even though I was diagnosed young, I masked for years, spending enormous mental energy trying to fit in with neurotypical peers. Finding a safe space to share my quirks, needs, and desires openly, through my content on Instagram and through my community, Master the Mundane, has changed how I show up in real life too. I feel more seen and known, and I spend far less energy trying to please people, online or off.
Many of my closest friends don't have ADHD and don't fully understand how my brain works. But learning to embrace my quirks and share authentically about myself has helped me find people I don't need to mask around. Masking takes an enormous amount of energy, and letting go of it gave me more energy to manage my ADHD well.
Go here for more on making friends as a 40+ mom with ADHD.
Routines and Systems
The only way I maintain the habits that help me thrive is through routines. It took years to build a routine I could actually stick to, mostly because my expectations used to be wildly unrealistic. I still want to accomplish more than is humanly possible some days, but I've learned to build a rhythm that lets me see growth and progress within the same 24 hours everyone else gets.
Creating visuals and systems for [INTERNAL LINK: managing my home and family] has been key to this. I get derailed easily and need a lot of tools and reminders to stay on track: hard-copy checklists, phone alarms, and very clear, ongoing expectations of what deserves my time and attention.
It took years to [INTERNAL LINK: figure out how to create a routine that I could actually maintain], but the system I landed on has been life-changing for me and for thousands of others. I put together a simple PDF and a twenty-minute training video explaining the exact system I use to manage my home and family, called Tools + Templates.
Hormones and Perimenopause
Turning 40 changed a lot for me. There's a real connection between estrogen and dopamine, and as my estrogen dipped with perimenopause, I struggled to function toward the end of my cycle. It felt like my medication had stopped working, my physical energy disappeared, and my sleep quality took a hit too.
I wasn't prepared for these changes showing up in my early 40s, but starting hormone replacement therapy has helped enormously. I currently take progesterone and estradiol each evening, and I work with an online medical provider to monitor my hormones and manage that medication. Needing this kind of support this early wasn't something I expected, but it's been genuinely life-changing.
My Online Menopause Support Physician
I'm a Work in Progress
This is the hardest part to admit. Reading this list, you might think I've got it all figured out, but I don't always go to bed when I should, get to the gym like I know I need to, or eat the foods that help me feel my best. I'm not always my best. But the more I've learned to give myself grace and focus on what I am doing well, instead of beating myself up over what I'm not, the easier it's gotten to stay consistent with the habits that actually help.
I didn't add all of these habits at once either. This has been a twenty-year journey. It was about six years ago that I really dug in to understand my brain, and about four years ago that I got serious about routines and self-care.
My advice: go slowly, and add one new change at a time so you can actually tell what's helping. There's a lot you could try, and attempting all of it at once is a fast track to overwhelm.
Finding the ADHD Management Strategies for Moms That Work for You
We're not all wired the same way, so how we manage our ADHD won't look identical either. These are the core habits I come back to when life gets chaotic, but your version may look completely different from mine.
Give yourself permission to be a student of your own brain. Read the books, try the strategies, borrow ideas from other people, but you get to decide what actually helps and what's realistic for your life. A long list of habits you "should" be doing, but can't actually sustain, won't move you forward. The real work is figuring out the ADHD management strategies for moms that fit your actual life, not someone else's.
I'm cheering you on as you figure out what helps you most.
