Thriving with ADHD: Tips for Finding Your Sweet Spot in Life

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One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in managing my own ADHD is understanding the necessity of living in my unique sweet spot.

I first encountered the idea of finding your "sweet spot" from Dr. Ned Hallowell. He frequently discusses this concept in his books about ADHD, particularly in relation to career guidance.

Side Note: If you’re not familiar with Dr. Hallowell, I highly recommend his book ADHD 2.0. It’s an excellent overview of all things ADHD. [Buy It Here]

He defines the "sweet spot" as the intersection of things you love to do, things you’re good at, and things someone will pay you to do. He encourages people with ADHD to spend most of their working hours in this sweet spot.

But this gets really complicated when you're the primary caregiver for young kids and managing a home.

Many necessary daily tasks don’t fit into any of these three circles. I have managed to create a business within my sweet spot, which has been an incredible gift.

The insight that really stood out to me from Dr. Hallowell’s explanation is the idea of having a "right challenge." This was a crucial first step in building a life that works for my brain.

By "right challenge," I mean enough challenge to meet your mental stimulation needs without being too stressful or leading to chaos. Dr. Hallowell talks about the "Goldilocks zone," the "just right" challenge, which has been my guide.

Having found my personal "Goldilocks zone" as a mom with ADHD, I can say that I fully endorse this idea. I'm happier, more creative, calmer, and more regulated when I use my gifts within time constraints that work for me and my family.

Like many with ADHD, I crave challenge and love solving problems.

Looking back on my 20s, there was a clear pattern of CHALLENGE followed by BURNOUT and BOREDOM.

I would take a boring, low-stress job that allowed flexibility for self-care and a social life, then get bored.

Then, I’d take an intense, interesting job with little room for self-care or downtime. It was exciting but eventually overwhelming, leading to burnout, and I’d return to a slower-paced, boring job.

The mistake I made repeatedly was believing my ADHD brain was incapable of hard or challenging work. It wasn’t the work but the environment and pace.

As Dr. Hallowell beautifully states, for the ADHD brain:

Boredom = Kryptonite

Seasons of boredom are incredibly hard for me. I become more impulsive, and my addictive tendencies surface.

Boredom is not healthy for me.

However, non-stop 24/7 hustle culture is also very unhealthy.

I need a solid 7 hours of sleep to function and 8+ hours to be at my best.

Consistent hard exercise is essential to manage stress and anxiety and to sleep well.

I learned early on that intense, pressure-cooker work environments are not a good fit for me.

It took years to find a work situation with the right balance of challenge and downtime, but thankfully I did.

Then, I left that job to become a stay-at-home mom, mistakenly thinking it would solve all my ADHD struggles.

Shockingly…

I was incredibly BORED.

So, I started a home-based business, diving headfirst into the Mom Boss lifestyle. I devoted every waking second to building a business in the nooks and crannies of life. Though it satisfied my need for challenge, it was too much.

I was challenged but also dysregulated, and our home life felt chaotic because I neglected many necessary boring tasks in favor of working on my business, which was fun but not hugely profitable.

After my third child, this lifestyle became unsustainable, and I needed more margin to care well for my neurodivergent kids.

I spent several years understanding my brain and defining the constraints for my business. I now work a predictable and consistent 20 hours or less a week, making 5x more than I did in 24/7 hustle mode.

For more on my mompreneur business tips, go [here].

My main point is that finding your sweet spot and "right challenge" is essential in learning to thrive as a mom with ADHD.

Here’s my top advice for finding your sweet spot as a mom with ADHD:

1. Mental Stimulation Isn’t Optional. Your brain needs a creative outlet and problems to solve. Whether it’s a business, side hustle, or hobby, you need something. Not everyone in your life will understand this need, and that’s okay. It’s not selfish; embracing it as a non-negotiable will benefit you.

2. Only You Can Find Your Right. Struggling with boring tasks like cleaning or being on time might lead to pushback from others. People might question why you’d add something else to your plate when you’re already struggling. That’s a neurotypical understanding of time and energy. Mental stimulation will help you be more productive with boring tasks.

3. Specific Goals are Key. Once you allow time for stimulating activities, it’s normal to hyperfocus and neglect boring tasks. Creating parameters and specific goals is crucial. Neglecting life in favor of stimulating activities leads to burnout and overwhelm. Boundaries keep the stimulating activities in the "Goldilocks zone." For me, focusing on three specific tasks rather than ten helps me stay consistent and productive.

4. Outsource Where Needed. I find it hard to do deep work when my kids are present. Preschool breaks were essential for my mental health. Childcare was a necessary investment, even if it meant skimping in other areas. Now, I work from 10-3 while my kids are in school, which works for me.

5. One Idea at a Time. Having many ideas is a gift most women with ADHD have. I have many goals, ideas, and interests but know I can’t do everything now. Understanding my capacity helps me prioritize. There’s no expiration date on my ideas. I focus on what I need to work on now and give myself room to daydream. For example, tinkering with my Amazon affiliate page or creating LTK collages scratches my creative itch without derailing my main business goals.

6. Your Kids are Watching. If you’re still reading, you probably have a child with an interest-driven ADHD brain. The best thing we can do for our kids is show them how to pursue their unique gifts and interests. They will follow your actions more than your words. Seeing you spend time on activities that make you happy and fill your dopamine cup is helpful for them. The more regulated and calm you are, the better you can help them.

If you want to make time for stimulation but don’t know where to start, I highly encourage you to join my course and community, Master the Mundane. I break it all down to help you get out of burnout and create a life that gives you the stimulation you need without overdoing it. You’ll get step-by-step guidance and ongoing accountability as you find your sweet spot. [Join Here]