Should I Get an ADHD Diagnosis? Where to Start When You're a Mom Who's Wondering

If you've spent the last year (or five) filling out intake forms, symptom checklists, and school questionnaires for your kids, there's a good chance a little voice has started whispering, "wait... that sounds like me."

So now you're asking: should I get an ADHD diagnosis? And if so, where do you even start?

I'm Amy, a mom with ADHD raising kids with ADHD. In this post, I'll walk you through why pursuing a diagnosis can feel so hard, the five questions I think every woman should answer before she starts, and why a diagnosis is really just the first stage of learning to thrive with ADHD.

Why So Many Moms Start Wondering About ADHD After Their Kids Are Diagnosed

Most of the late-diagnosed women I work with didn't start out wondering about themselves. They started out advocating for their kids.

Then somewhere between the evaluations and the parent questionnaires, they started recognizing themselves in the answers.

If that's you, you're likely doing two hard things at once: learning how to support your kids, and wondering what you should be doing to support yourself.

That's a lot to carry. And it's exactly why so many moms put their own questions on the back burner.

Why Pursuing an ADHD Diagnosis Feels So Hard

Here's the irony nobody warns you about: pursuing an ADHD diagnosis takes a whole lot of executive function from people who struggle with executive function.

As a mom who really struggles with executive function, I know how painful it is to make appointments for myself. Right now I need to schedule a well-woman exam, a colonoscopy, and a skin check. I hate phone calls and put them off as long as humanly possible.

Then add the sheer number of appointments we already make for our neurodivergent kids. Occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, med checks. Holy moly, it's a lot.

So if you want answers but you're also exhausted, overwhelmed, and barely get two seconds to yourself, that's not a sign you don't care enough. It's a sign the process asks for the exact skills ADHD makes hard.

A Diagnosis Isn't the Finish Line

So many of us get stuck on the diagnosis and medication questions and never make it to the deeper waters: actually learning to thrive with ADHD.

I think of it as the stages of ADHD self-awareness and growth:

1. Getting diagnosed. Understanding what's actually going on in your brain.
2. Learning to manage your ADHD. Building habits and systems that fit how you're wired.
3. Getting the support and accommodations you need.
4. Lifting the shame, living from your strengths, and learning to thrive.

A diagnosis isn't the finish line. Learning to thrive is. But you can't get there until you understand your unique brain, and you can't understand your brain until you know what's going on in there.

5 Questions to Answer Before You Pursue an Adult ADHD Diagnosis

If you're wondering how to get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, these are the five questions I'd start with:

1. What's actually required to get an ADHD diagnosis?
2. Who can diagnose you?
3. How do you find a provider?
4. Is it worth the hassle?
5. How do you prepare for an evaluation?

Every one of them can feel like its own mountain when you're already running on empty. The goal isn't to answer them all today. It's to take them one at a time, so the whole process feels clear and doable instead of overwhelming.

A Few Honest Caveats

I'm not a physician, and I can't diagnose you. My perspective comes from lived experience: I was diagnosed with ADD at age 5 by a clinical psychologist (over 40 years ago!), and this past summer I had a full neuropsych evaluation as part of [INTERNAL LINK: my autism assessment].

I also live in the United States and have health insurance, so I can't speak to how this works in other countries. The symptoms doctors look for are similar around the world, but the process of getting diagnosed can look really different.

The First Step Toward an ADHD Diagnosis

If you've been asking yourself "should I get an ADHD diagnosis?" for a while now, here's what I want you to know. Wondering is a completely valid place to start. You don't need to have it all figured out before you take the first step.

You just need the next one.

Want my full answers to all five questions? 

Over on my Substack, ADHD + Motherhood, I go deep on each one: the symptoms doctors actually look for (translated into real mom life), who I'd choose to do an evaluation and why, five low-effort ways to find a provider, my three reasons I think it's 1,000% worth the hassle, and a fillable ADHD Evaluation Prep Form so you don't go blank in the appointment. It's Part 1 of a four-part series for ADHD Awareness Month.

[READ THE FULL VERSION ON SUBSTACK]